What We Hide From The Ones We Love Will Kill Us
by lgbtq-superhero
Summary: After what happend with Krall all the Crew wanted was some peace and quite. But of course knowing them that doesnt happen. As an old enemy of Kirks named Kodos comes bakc to take whats his how will his crew react to when they learn about the captains true past a demons in his head. Slow burn K/S This will be a superrrr dark fic.
1. darkness arrives

Seeing the faces of all you ever loved die will never leave the mind of James T Kirk. The strong male who would die for his team without a second thought was hiding a lot more then his team new. The crew thought they new everything about there captain but they never realized how good of an actor he really was.

The crew where on there way back to earth after getting a new alien race to join starfleet. Jim would have to lie if he had to say he wasn't proud of his crew. They were towards the end of their 3rd year of their 5 year mission and they finally are heading back home to earth for time well deserved off. After all that happened after Krall the crew deserved a break.

The Enterprise was 20 minuets away from landing and Kirk could see the smiles on his crews faces. He could see Sulu and Chekov smiling at each other -Chekov blushing since Sulu kept winking at him- Scotty yelling at Keenser about siting somewhere he shouldn't sit, Uhura typing away with a smile on her face, Bones typing away on his PADD next to Kirk, and Spock looking out the view infant of him have a pleased look on his face which was quite rare since he rarely showed emotion.

"All right Mr. Sulu are you ready to land her."

"Yes captain we will be arriving in 5…4…3…2…1"

The Enterprise jumped out of warp speed to show earth in all its shining glory. Kirk could tell how happy his crew was to finally be home.

"Mr. Chekov please turn on all coms for this message."

"Ves Kaptain…. Coms on"

"Morning everyone we are about to land on earth for a 1 week home leave. This may be a short home leave but please make the best of it. Spend time with your family and friends and relax. The enterprise will be taking of a week from now at 1100. Be sure to be back before then and ready on the ship. Have a good home leave everyone" Kirk finished before ending the com.

"That goes for all of you, especially you Spock, take a brake from work for the week.."

"Captain if I am intrude we may be on a home leave but-" Kirk cut Spock off.  
"First Spock its Jim you know that. And second we deserve this leave after everything we have been threw in the past year." Kirk smiled in reassures at Spock as he nodded in response.

"Ready to land Captain." Sulu said smiling up at Kirk.

"Then take her down Mr. Sulu."

As Sulu landed the Enterprise, Kirk could see all the happiness in everyones faces as the walked of the ship. Leaving the room holding the Enterprise for the week Kirk took a deep breath of the real non filtered

air.

The crew started to run to there love ones imbruing the ones they have been separated for so long. Kirk stood back watching Sulu and Chekov going somewhere together and Uhura heading over to talk with Spock as Bones approached Kirk.

"How dose it feel to be home at last Jim." Kirk smiled at his best friend. "Just fine Bones I love being back here."

"Gonna stop by and see your mom." Kirk tensed a little.

"Uh ya ill see what about you gonna see the daughter."

Bones smiled a little suspicious of his friend. "Ya. Are you sure your ok" Bones look concerns at his friend.

"Ya of course." He lied

Jim loves his mother, she's the person who gave birth to him. But, its her husband he doesn't like. Kirk never had a good relationship with his step father Frank (yes he is also said to be his uncle but in this story he's kirks step dad). The man had no heart as Kirk would say as being abusive trowels him and his older brother Sam while their mother was off planet.

Being interrupted by his thoughts as Bones grabbed Kirks shoulder.

"JIM!"

"Huh sorry what."

"Gods Jim, I told you that some starfleet officers are here and need you."

Kirk looks behind him to see 2 starfleet officers looking straight at him. They both are big men with straight looking faces.

"Captain James Tiberius Kirk you are need to report to Admiral Christopher Pike as of immediately." Kirk and Bones both looked worried.

"Ok gentleman lead the way." Both the officers nodded as Kirk left Bones behind just as confused as he was. The soldiers led him to Pikes office and knocked to here.

"Let him in."

The 2 men opened he door to reveal Pike who looked like absolute shit. Kirk stepped in as the door shut behind him.

"Um sir may I ask whats happing here." Pike looked up at Kirk eyes find with worry and sadness. "Jim sit please."

Kirk nodded taking a seat before Pike as Pike rubbed his temples.

"Theres been a murder."

Kirk looked confused. "Thats bad have they been caught yet. Who's the victim."

"….Kevin Riley." Kirk froze I shock and fear. Him and Kevin Riley had been through hell and back together, literally.

"Y-you don't mean."

"Thats exactly what I mean."

"But it was under so much security the public only new us as RK and KJ not our names only top ranking officials new our identities are you sure."

Pike looked down and pulled out what looked to be a note. He opens it and it said _He may have been under your protection but we will always win we will came for KJ as we know who he is already. Kodos is not done with his prize subject he will come for him and those in the way will die._

Kirk didn't even know when he started to shake or cry. He couldn't help the stream of tears falling down his face or the fear causing his body to shake. He couldn't breath properly to were it felt as if he was drowning in fear. His vision was all blurry and he could distantly hear someone shouting his name. He felt his eyes role behind his back before everything went black.


	2. lies come to light

You know its not a good sign when you feel yourself wake up but not remembering falling asleep. As Kirk started to regain consciousness he wasn't paying attention to the monitor beeping in his ear, nor the huge headache growing rapidly as he opened his eyes. For his brain could only focus on hearing Bones yelling with his southern accent at what sounded like Pike.

"You mean to tell me that the crazed lunatic who experimented on Jim on Tarsus IV is not in fact dead BUT looking for Jim to take him back so he could finish his crazy EXPERIMENTS!" Bones shouted at Pike.

"McCoy don't think for a second that I am not as worried or scared as you are on Jim's behalf. Have you forgot that he's like a son to me." Pike said trying to calm an already flaming Bones down.

"In all respect Admiral, I do know since I feel that same way. Ive had to clean up each scratch, bruise, broken bone that kids had since we both joined starfleet."

"Then you do understand that we need to tell the rest of his crew. We need you all to get back out there as soon as possible so Kodos doesn't get his hands back on Jim. Kodos thinks he's the key to something and wont stop till he has Jim bent over his knee."

"No" Kirk groaned out as he stared to sit up. He heard a slight 'kid' come from Bones as he rushed over to his best friends side.

"How are you feeling- and be honest- you took a nasty faint there. Lucky the admiral was able to catch you just before you hit the ground." Kirk looked around finally taking in his surroundings learning he is in the med bay of starfleet.

"Don't worry Bones I'm fine just a small headache." Kirk said showing his best smile. He wasn't fulling lying, he did have a headache but he was far from ok.

After so many years of trying to forget what happened on Tarsus IV it just had to come back and nip him in the butt. He tried everything he could to get rid of the horrific memories and nightmares that still keep him up at night. He's done medication, to therapy, to alcohol, he even had to spend a few months in hospitals after all the events drove him crazy and suicidal.

Nobody ever new he was KJ other then high starfleet officers and Bones, who found out by looking through his charts and putting two and two together. It killed Kirk to see that look of guilt and saddens in his best friends eyes. He had to forces Bones to never tell another living soul which wasn't that hard since Starfleet said they'd lock him away before he ever could.

The only thing that bothers Bones about keeping the secret is not telling the rest of the crew. As they all grew closer on the Enterprise the crew all tired into one big happy family. So for Bones and Kirk to keep one of the biggest secrets from them broke there hearts. Kirk always new it was for the best since he couldn't stand to see anyone cry for him like Bones did that night years ago.

"Jim… You know we have to te-"

"No we can't Pike you know they will never look at me the same." Kirk said looking up at his two father figures in fear.

"We will not be telling them all Jim, just the main command. Uhura, Chekov, Sulu, Scotty, and Spock they need to know."

Kirk looked down at his hands knowing they were right. They were his family and he knew they will always be there but, there still that feeling at the bottom of his stomach. Pity. He has heard them talk about Him and Kevin without knowing there identities on the anniversary of the massacre. He new how they all wanted to meet the two and help as much as they could. But he was scared of what they think to find out there captain was KJ.

Kirks head flew up to see the door flying open to revel a officer with a worried face. "Admiral you need to see this." Was all he said with leaving the PADD in Pikes hands. As pike turned it on he swore under his breath which surprised Kirk since Pike never swore.

As Pike read threw the article the two younger men could see the fear growing in his eyes. As it seemed he reach the end of the article Pike froze in what seemed fear.

"Pike what is it" Kirk asked curiously as Bones put his hand on his shoulders to make sure he didn't move to much.

"Oh no"

Confused Kirk took the PADD out of his hands and started to read.

 _The Last Of The Tarsus IV Survivors_

 _As we all new years ago our galaxy had suffered a enormous massacre. With the authority of Governor Kodos Tarsus IV went into a massacre that killed hundreds people. One horrifying story was go 9 children being taken and experimented on for months. After finally finding the missing children we where reveals all but 2 had died. The children identities where hidden from the galaxy only knowing them as RK and KJ. We had no age, sex, gender to compare them too till today._

 _At 0800 a young starfleet officer known as Kevin Riley was found dead on the flag post infant of the enterprise building. Officials rushed to the scene quickly to start on the case. As people gathered around there was a message written in blood on the floor to have said 'Kevin Riley 'RK' a surviver of Tarsus IV for no longer.'_

 _The name of the surviver RK is now known as Kevin Riley. As all of earth felt pity on the to our sources finally found out the other Childs name. After years of searching and the new murder the Kevin Riley we have finally been confirmed that KJ is no other that the famous captain who has saved earth and his crew multiple times._

 _James Tiberias Kirk_

Kirk became more and more tense as the article went on but after seeing his name he felt his world stop yet again for the second time today. He felt the PADD fall and smash by his feet and Bones hand that was rested on his shoulder fall to his side.

All three of the men in the room where terrified. A secret that starfleet has kept safe and locked away for years was finally out to the galaxy.

"20,000,000 people have already read this." Bones said remembering the number of people that read it at the bottom.

Knowing that Kirk knew that by now his crew have found out. He was quickly confirmed by it when the door, yet again, flew open and he was greeted by the people he was most scared to confront.

There at the door stood a tear faced Uhura, a shaking Chekov, extremely worried looking Scotty and Sulu, and what seemed to be a sad yet pissed Spock. Kirk felt all eyes fall onto him since his situation didn't look good as he was in a hospital bed with a IV bad in.

"Greetings and Salutations." Kirk said shyly using the classic JD line from a super old movie Heathers.

Uhura stepped forward and pulled Kirk into a tight hug for about a minuet and Chekov joined in after 15 seconds. As the two let go, Kirk saw Sulu with his arms crossed and Scotty leaning on the wall. Spock took a step forward and spoke for the crew.

"Well Jim seems like you've got a lot of explaining to do."


End file.
